You are working on bettering your boundaries!
This means you are gaining skill in voicing your boundaries and using your voice to make sure you are being heard, The pitfall may be where your inconsistencies or lack of clarity in your boundaries keep people guessing on what you really want.
For example, you might have said to someone who calls you when you’re getting ready for bed or sleeping, “Please do not call me after 9.” Yet when they did call late, you sometimes answered and when it was not an emergency, you kept talking instead of reinforcing your boundary. Not being consistent creates confusion about whether you are serious about your boundary, so they push back to see if you really mean it. and may cause them to keep testing you.
If you find yourself getting pushbacks or still feeling angry that your boundaries aren’t being respected, this is a good opportunity to begin looking at where you haven’t set clear enough boundaries, OR aren’t being consistent.
Boundaries are hard, and I so get it! As a “Relationship Fixer” in the cooprate world, I thought I knew it all when it came to creating and maintaining boundaries. It wasn’t until a number of years ago when a personal issue arose that I knew there were some areas in which I still held blinders, and while I was proficient in most areas, I found myself becoming angry and resentful in others.
While it’s easy to be angry, I knew that isn’t who I wanted to be, and not how I wanted to show up. It was time to dig in and really see where the core of my issues lie. By allowing myself to be curious rather than giving into the anger, I realized I had not set nor voiced clear boundaries with this person, and most likely they didn’t even know or realize they had crossed! Wow!
Because I gave myself the space to delve deeper and recognize the true issue, I was able to recreate and heal the relationship, and I am so grateful for that as it was one that was and still is extremely important to me.
One of the biggest complaints I have from clients who come to me either on the verge of divorce or contemplating leaving their jobs is that they don’t feel heard or respected in their relationships, but when we dig a little deeper, one of the repeated issues really lies in not knowing how to speak up when they feel their boundaries are crossed.
Boundaries are not something that we born knowing. They are often based on social cues we learn as children from society and aren’t always recognized by being important until later on in life. And since most often or not, we aren’t taught clearly at a young age, we spend a lot of our time navigating this in life and learning on our own.
Boundaries may be easily created, but sometimes take conscious effort to maintain as not everyone knows how to have them be heard, and in some cases don’t know how to listen for other’s boundaries because others may not be clearly voicing them. That’s where I come in!
In the next few months, I will be hosting an Introduction to Boundaries and I invite you to attend. This 45-minute workshop is meant for those who recognize that they are struggling in their personal and professional relationships and are committed to creating real change that has a deep impact.
To learn more about this workshop, click on the link below!
Marilyn Sutherland has spent her life transforming the lives of thousands of individuals through coaching and consulting. She helps her clients identify habits that disrupt their life, so they can create and master the essential skills to have powerful, sustaining relationships at work and at home.
She worked as a consultant for multiple Fortune 500 companies for over 30 years, coaching leaders in relationship and communication skills to build strong connections within their teams and their clients.
For the last 10 years, Marilyn has drawn on all her skills in communication, leadership, and transformation to empower her clients with the knowledge she’s gained about how to create deeper connections with the people who matter most