You Struggle With Boundaries.

Your assessment shows that you struggle with knowing what your boundaries are, voicing them when they are violated, and/or holding people to account with honoring your boundaries… and that’s ok!

Most of us were not taught to make or maintain boundaries by our parents and caregivers because, more often or not, they never learned them either!

Boundaries are an integral part of our relationships with others, in all parts of our lives. They help us maintain the natural ebb and flow of a relationship that ensures we are not stuck in a cycle that often becomes one of toxicity.

If you were focusing on only one or two specific relationships, I invite you to look at other relationships in your life. Is your struggle with boundaries a consistent theme? If so, then you may find over time you feel dissatisfaction and even resentment in those relationships. You can change that when you learn how to set and hold clear boundaries to feel comfortable and trusting and get your needs met. And remember, it’s important that you honor the boundaries of others when they set them.

Boundaries are hard, and I so get it! As a “Relationship Fixer” in the cooprate world, I thought I knew it all when it came to creating and maintaining boundaries.  It wasn’t until a number of years ago when a personal issue arose that I knew there were some areas in which I still held blinders, and while I was proficient in most areas, I found myself becoming angry and resentful in others.

While it’s easy to be angry, I knew that isn’t who I wanted to be, and not how I wanted to show up. It was time to dig in and really see where the core of my issues lie. By allowing myself to be curious rather than giving into the anger, I realized I had not set nor voiced clear boundaries with this person, and most likely they didn’t even know or realize they had crossed! Wow!

Because I gave myself the space to delve deeper and recognize the true issue, I was able to recreate and heal the relationship, and I am so grateful for that as it was one that was and still is extremely important to me.

One of the biggest complaints I have from clients who come to me either on the verge of divorce or contemplating leaving their jobs is that they don’t feel heard or respected in their relationships, but when we dig a little deeper, one of the repeated issues really lies in not knowing how to speak up when they feel their boundaries are crossed.

Boundaries are not something that we born knowing.  They are often based on social cues we learn as children from society and aren’t always recognized by being important until later on in life.  And since most often or not, we aren’t taught clearly at a young age, we spend a lot of our time navigating this in life and learning on our own.  

Boundaries may be easily created, but sometimes take conscious effort to maintain as not everyone knows how to have them be heard, and in some cases don’t know how to listen for other’s boundaries because others may not be clearly voicing them.  That’s where I come in!